Aging With Grace

I got an email this morning which got me thinking. Thinking about old age and growing old. I am in my late thirties; that means I am almost forty. I am the youngest of four children with two older brothers (forty-two and forty-eight) and a sister who turned 50 this year!

I remember turning thirty and while some of friends at that time facing the same birthday, were freaking out at the prospect of getting “old”, the fact did not disturb me too much. Getting to the top of the hill is a journey and when you hit the top (and only YOU decide when you do) it is all downhill from there. Heard that before? I prefer to think of the downhill as free wheeling. All the fun of the ride without the pedaling!

Growing old(er) brings many advantages. Wisdom comes with age. While I am by far not the wisest person I know, I am sure as bob wiser than what I was when I was 21. One important thing I have learnt in my time so far is to stop worrying about everything and just tackle each day with renewed energy!

So here are some light hearted versions of growing old…enjoy!

 

 

 

Have a great day!

Mad Cow

I have mad cow disease. Well not the disease like the one that shows up in the UK every now and again and causes a huge beef shortage (and I am not talking about Amy Whine – sorry I mean Winehouse either). It is more like a state of mind – Mad Cow State of Mind.

I am in the early stages of middle age. Oh shush, I can imagine what you are thinking now. I will say early stages because I am only 37. In my heart I am 27 but mentally I must be about 60. The reason why I know I am going into the beginning (shush) of middle age is because the PMS has risen to a whole new level. A level that would scare the crap out of a suicide bomber if confronted by me. If you could clone my PMS stage, I would make excellent border guards or airport security personnel. Really, I mean it. Unless you have lived with me, you have no idea.

I was not always like this. I assume though I have always had horns hiding under my hair but when I was younger those only used to come out in mischievious circumstances. Now, on certain days, I wake up and they are wedged in my headboard. After I pluck myself from my bed, in case I need any assurance that they are indeed there, I just have to watch my family scatter before my very eyes as I make my way down to the kitchen to get my coffee…and scatter is what they do. The movement in the house resembles the reaction of someone shouting FIRE! in a department store. Even the cats take one look at this devilish apparition before them and opt for the dark confines of the basement.

On normal days, the idea of being confronted by a regurgitated hairball does not upset me. Make no mistake, I still don’t like it but I can cope with getting the kitchen paper towel and prying it loose from the carpet pile. And then having to mix the baking soda /vinegar concoction to get the stain and the smell out is no biggie. But…on a PMS day…well that is a whole different ball game.

The laundry too, gets me annoyed on normal days. On PMS days it gets me fired up and ready to shoot projectile undergarments at whoever crosses my path. This last weekend I could feel the PMS coming on – it was gnawing away at my happy disposition with every step I took, and with every word I spoke. Things were increasingly irritating to me. I tried to distract myself by baking, cooking grand meals, shoveling the driveway and doing the paperwork in the house. But nothing could stop the flow of the torrent that was about to engulf me. Then, hubby turned around and asked me why I was not cuddly…you could feel my eyes piercing through his skull as he sat looking at me wondering what he had just done. Just an innocent question in his mind. But to the Mad Cow, an indictment of failure to be the hostess, mother, and the sex kitten all rolled into one! Do I need this, I asked myself as I got dressed to go the supermarket at 8am on a Sunday? I flashed another look at Mr Cuddle Bunny who by now was regretting ever looking at me let alone opening his mouth.The rest of the day was spent with me being fine with the kids, and awful to the man that of course, in my mind, started this all.

Monday came and all and sundry were relieved at having the option of being else where for the day. The kids bounded off to school with relief that their teachers had to be friendly and helpful. The idea of a budget meeting made Cuddle Bunny dash into the shower and leave for work early with a joyous expression. I was left at the kitchen table to wallow in my self pity and to ‘get it out of my system’. The cats weren’t taking any chances. The came up from the darker nether room and seeing me in the kitchen cursing the clogged drain, retreated down the stairs again.

But one day alone can do wonders. That combined with my paranoia that the last words spoken should never be ones of anger, finally gets the buzzing to disappear in my head and I send out a flurry of emails proclaiming my love and humblest apologies. I did also mean to add in there that the apologies are sincere. They really are. When collecting the girls I purposefully do not wear my winter hat so that they can see the horns are no longer there and all is well in my little world again. My ears might be red and frostbitten but the horns are gone.

So now I am getting myself sorted out. I have reached a stage in my life when I have to take counter measures to ensure I stay sane. And married. I am going to tackle middle age with a vengeance and the only one quaking in my path will be that bloody little devil with the extra set of horns…

Sensitive Teeth?

The Week That Was – the good, the bad and the ugly…

Okay, lets get one thing straight from the beginning. What tops the UGLY list immediately and without question would be my hair which my five year old described as “old” not understanding that I am trying to grow it a bit so that it can be cut in a decent style today, when I visit the hairdresser! My coiffure is reminiscent of the crown King Julian wears in the Madagascar movies…you parents will know what I am talking about…so while my older daughter asked me if I would be putting up a photo of my hair, I respectfully declined and lied about the camera being full.

my startled look as I plough through laundry jungle to bathroom mirror!

 

An ugly and bad combined: a big shout out to Cialis and Levitra for choosing to advertise before the watershed!!! NOT! My children and I were in the living room some time after 6:30pm: Little one coloring in, older one reading, Mom being her Crackberry self (actually still trying to figure out how the thing works) when I switched the television on to Charlie Gibson’s “World” news. My eleven (soon soon to be twelve) year old looked up to listen to all that was happening. Then the ads came on and wham bam thank you ma’am, the Cialis ad quickly followed by Levitra. I continued to look at the Blackberry buzzing in my hands for some unknown reason when this young 11 year old voice asked me the question: “Mom, what is an erection?” 

Holy crap…is what I was screaming in my head but calmly looked at her and explained the term. She is eleven, she got what she needed to know from our little discussion. So the talk is starting in baby steps…I am not completely sure how I will be approaching this all – having a tween is a first for me. So it should be an interesting journey to say the least.

Time for a good (or an ugly, depending on your point of view)…With Mother’s day coming up, my youngest is very enthralled by a day just for mommies. She figures she could get in on this action too, after all she is a mommy to eight teddies, four dolls, two penguins and six rocks…However, her main focus has been me…great!

“Mommy, it is going to be Mother’s Day soon…I have decided to give you a make over. I will do your make up and your hair, it looks old. I will also let Daddy buy you a new dress. You need a make over, you look like a maid…”

Now I am trying to see the brighter side of that remark, the only “maid” she knows is pre-FairyGodMother Cinderella…she was pretty in her rags according to the book’s pictures…..?

Get your Sno.mobi

Get your SNO.MOBI on

A huge shout out for my friend Richard who started a wonderful website for all you ski enthusiasts. Get your sno.mobi on and see where you will head next!

Easy peasy…

Ten Things That Would Make My Life A Little Easier:

1. Mojito flavored novacaine – would make my trips to the dentist a bit more fun…
2. A tumble dryer that folds the laundry when dry and packs it away.
3. A totally self -cleaning bathroom.
4. A coffee machine that not only makes the coffee, but brings it upstairs at 6:30am with the New York Times, the Guardian paper and maybe a pastry (not a lot to ask, really…).
5. Totally free checking that is, in fact, TOTALLY free…
6. My husband finally getting his US driver’s license, to add to his South African and United Kingdom ones.
7. Self-brushing cats.
8. Calorie-free Lindt chocolates.
9. A Starbucks in my kitchen.
10. The ability to actually SLEEP (as opposed to pretending) past 6:30am on weekends when even the kids manage to lie in…

Really, as far as a wish list goes, it is not that much to ask, is it?

Hello again…

I am back. Yes, finally. It has been a few long weeks since I last wrote an entry and even then the last one was just a half hearted attempt at trying to keep up. I decided to take an unannounced hiatus am very happy to say that I have come out on the other side and yes, indeed, there is a light and it is on! And this time, no one stole the light bulb!

So hopefully, I will get more time to write a bit more. I no longer want to bitch as much, life is just too short. In my roller coaster ride that was the first three months of 2009, I did learn a few important little lessons - take some time, sleep late, smell the roses, enjoy the view!

So hello again…

Friday Funnies on a Saturday…

One black nut...

 

ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose..   A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.   “Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”   Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to  wash your upper body and feet.”   He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?”   Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she over comes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.   Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”  The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very  closely……   “A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k ??”

Show Me The Money…or not

I am sitting here contemplating the coming Oscars ceremony this weekend. But I am still not sure if I am going to watch it.

The economy as we all know is in the toilet. And although our lives must go on, with so many people out of work and worried where the next pay check is coming from, is it right that so much money is spent on an evening to stroke egoes (some of which are totally over inflated…). Who foots the bill for the Governor’s Ball? Would the money that Vanity Fair (ONE MILLION DOLLARS) is spending not be better spent elsewhere which is more philanthropic? I am not saying cancel the Oscars – good work deserves to be rewarded but I seriously think a major tone down is called for.

Would it not be refreshing to watch the Red Carpet and along comes – um, lets see – Brangelina.  Instead of Valentino she is in an original (stunning) creation from a local self employed seamstress. And him – he is in a tailored suit, hand stitched to sheer perfection, no name you would recognise now…That would be a responsible rewarding thing to do…the right thing.

But at the moment, the Oscars is showing no sign of toning it down and I am not sure I want to see all the rich people roll around in their money, when many are wondering what tomorrow might bring.

Show Me The Money...

Happy New Year

I just can not believe that 2008 is a thing of the past and that 2009 is already here. I have been missing in action from my blog for sometime now. It has been a rollercoaster three months or so. And then came Thanksgiving, Christmas and then bam, the New Year is a-knocking.

With it being winter now and being indoors a lot, I have had quite a bit of time to think about the year that has come and gone, reflect on a few things and look forward to the next twelve months with a vision of what I want out of the year. I am not making any resolutions like lose twenty pounds by Jan 3rd…no I am making promises…but those are private and I am not even going to share them here…they are for me and me alone.

In this past year, I have made new friends and lost a very very dear friend…The Angel Maker. AA said it best and no words I have can say it better.

So this is not a post. This a promise of a post or maybe two…A new perspective and a new plan of action…

Hello 2009, are you ready for me?