I got an email this morning which got me thinking. Thinking about old age and growing old. I am in my late thirties; that means I am almost forty. I am the youngest of four children with two older brothers (forty-two and forty-eight) and a sister who turned 50 this year!

I remember turning thirty and while some of friends at that time facing the same birthday, were freaking out at the prospect of getting “old”, the fact did not disturb me too much. Getting to the top of the hill is a journey and when you hit the top (and only YOU decide when you do) it is all downhill from there. Heard that before? I prefer to think of the downhill as free wheeling. All the fun of the ride without the pedaling!

Growing old(er) brings many advantages. Wisdom comes with age. While I am by far not the wisest person I know, I am sure as bob wiser than what I was when I was 21. One important thing I have learnt in my time so far is to stop worrying about everything and just tackle each day with renewed energy!

So here are some light hearted versions of growing old…enjoy!

Have a great day!

Okay, lets get one thing straight from the beginning. What tops the UGLY list immediately and without question would be my hair which my five year old described as “old” not understanding that I am trying to grow it a bit so that it can be cut in a decent style today, when I visit the hairdresser! My coiffure is reminiscent of the crown King Julian wears in the Madagascar movies…you parents will know what I am talking about…so while my older daughter asked me if I would be putting up a photo of my hair, I respectfully declined and lied about the camera being full.

my startled look as I plough through laundry jungle to bathroom mirror!

An ugly and bad combined: a big shout out to Cialis and Levitra for choosing to advertise before the watershed!!! NOT! My children and I were in the living room some time after 6:30pm: Little one coloring in, older one reading, Mom being her Crackberry self (actually still trying to figure out how the thing works) when I switched the television on to Charlie Gibson’s “World” news. My eleven (soon soon to be twelve) year old looked up to listen to all that was happening. Then the ads came on and wham bam thank you ma’am, the Cialis ad quickly followed by Levitra. I continued to look at the Blackberry buzzing in my hands for some unknown reason when this young 11 year old voice asked me the question: “Mom, what is an erection?” 

Holy crap…is what I was screaming in my head but calmly looked at her and explained the term. She is eleven, she got what she needed to know from our little discussion. So the talk is starting in baby steps…I am not completely sure how I will be approaching this all – having a tween is a first for me. So it should be an interesting journey to say the least.

Time for a good (or an ugly, depending on your point of view)…With Mother’s day coming up, my youngest is very enthralled by a day just for mommies. She figures she could get in on this action too, after all she is a mommy to eight teddies, four dolls, two penguins and six rocks…However, her main focus has been me…great!

“Mommy, it is going to be Mother’s Day soon…I have decided to give you a make over. I will do your make up and your hair, it looks old. I will also let Daddy buy you a new dress. You need a make over, you look like a maid…”

Now I am trying to see the brighter side of that remark, the only “maid” she knows is pre-FairyGodMother Cinderella…she was pretty in her rags according to the book’s pictures…..?

Ten Things That Would Make My Life A Little Easier:

1. Mojito flavored novacaine – would make my trips to the dentist a bit more fun…
2. A tumble dryer that folds the laundry when dry and packs it away.
3. A totally self -cleaning bathroom.
4. A coffee machine that not only makes the coffee, but brings it upstairs at 6:30am with the New York Times, the Guardian paper and maybe a pastry (not a lot to ask, really…).
5. Totally free checking that is, in fact, TOTALLY free…
6. My husband finally getting his US driver’s license, to add to his South African and United Kingdom ones.
7. Self-brushing cats.
8. Calorie-free Lindt chocolates.
9. A Starbucks in my kitchen.
10. The ability to actually SLEEP (as opposed to pretending) past 6:30am on weekends when even the kids manage to lie in…

Really, as far as a wish list goes, it is not that much to ask, is it?

I am back. Yes, finally. It has been a few long weeks since I last wrote an entry and even then the last one was just a half hearted attempt at trying to keep up. I decided to take an unannounced hiatus am very happy to say that I have come out on the other side and yes, indeed, there is a light and it is on! And this time, no one stole the light bulb!

So hopefully, I will get more time to write a bit more. I no longer want to bitch as much, life is just too short. In my roller coaster ride that was the first three months of 2009, I did learn a few important little lessons - take some time, sleep late, smell the roses, enjoy the view!

So hello again…

One black nut...

ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?

I just can not believe that 2008 is a thing of the past and that 2009 is already here. I have been missing in action from my blog for sometime now. It has been a rollercoaster three months or so. And then came Thanksgiving, Christmas and then bam, the New Year is a-knocking.

With it being winter now and being indoors a lot, I have had quite a bit of time to think about the year that has come and gone, reflect on a few things and look forward to the next twelve months with a vision of what I want out of the year. I am not making any resolutions like lose twenty pounds by Jan 3rd…no I am making promises…but those are private and I am not even going to share them here…they are for me and me alone.

In this past year, I have made new friends and lost a very very dear friend…The Angel Maker. AA said it best and no words I have can say it better.

So this is not a post. This a promise of a post or maybe two…A new perspective and a new plan of action…

Hello 2009, are you ready for me?

Walmart – I was going to write a whole post about Walmart but they have just said on the news that a person has been shot dead in a K-Mart. This is after the Black Friday disaster last week where two people shot each other to death in a Toys R Us (who the F…k takes a gun into a toy store???????) and an employee was trampled to death by shoppers who burst through the doors at a Long Island Walmart because they could just not wait. WTF is wrong with you people?

While I get it that black Friday is about bargains, what in this world is worth a person’s life? I can not afford a large flat screen TV and although they go on sale at huge discount prices on the Friday after Thanksgiving, I just can’t seem to draw myself out of bed at midnight or 3am to queue at the door of a retailer to buy it. What clothing in this entire world is worth a person’s life. I know that there are those who use the opportunity to buy their kids’ Christmas presents because they can get more for their buck and I know that if you are a struggling student, the chance to get a laptop at $200 is worth getting up at 2am. But would you kill for it? The people at Walmart and Toys R Us sure would.

On the lighter side though, watch Walter below. He is good but be warned, PG18. I sure as hell got my sh*t at Walmart when I have been. The closest one in the next town is dirty and very untidy and the door greeter is a bit scary. I have got more than bargain Christmas decorations or DVD’s for the girls. I also got six flea bites in the summer and more recently a tummy bug germ (seeing as I was the ONLY one who went from the family and I was the ONLY one who got ill). There is a reason I don’t take my kids in there.

Hey there – I have been missing in action for a few weeks now and I am happy to feel like I am resurfacing again after many fogging days!

So I thought I would begin my re-entry with a Friday Funny because there is not much to it. Enjoy the weekend!

Last time I wrote on this blog, the candidates were still going hell for leather in their campaigns. Sarah Palin was still gracing us with her gaffs and supplying SNL with great footage. Obama was holding onto a good lead in the polls and while I was hoping he would keep them, I was so wishing for the whole election thing to be over already. I had had enough…enough of negative ads, and especially enough of Elisabeth Hasselbeck shooting her little republican mouth off at any given opportunity (usually at a GOP rally).

The week before Halloween, the Angel Maker took a turn that devastated me. She is one of the bravest persons I know on God’s earth and her zest for life is a lesson we would all do well in learning. I love her dearly and I want to tell her that just one more time.

I got dental pain. I have a crown that I was told in December 2007 that I need to replace in January and although it was always in the back of mind to do, other things always took preference and I never got around to doing it. So I figured that I had better get this ass into a dentist’s chair. I went to the emergency appointment and after enough Novocaine to deaden the mouth of a small elephant, the dentist said, that he could not understand why I was in so much pain, after all, there was little decay and the tooth was not in that bad a shape. I went home with the new temporary crown and enough vicodin to last me the week. The pain got worse. I went back to the dentist the next afternoon to be told that it was blocked sinus and that my teeth, where I was having the pain, were fine. I was put on antibiotics and more painkillers. Nothing helped and after three nights with no sleep, on Sunday I asked Hubby to take me to the ER. Got it all diagnosed there and then. Trigeminal Neuralgia. A nerve pain like no other. Funny that, both the ER doc and my GP turned and told my husband, “People jump off bridges because the pain is so bad!” Really? I AM SITTING RIGHT HERE IN THE ROOM WITH YOU!

So I am off the painkillers and on anti-seizure meds which takes away the pain but leaves me in a bit of daze for now. Apparently, I might get used to it…or not. But now I am having problems with my speech and trust me when I tell you that that is a first. I have NEVER had a problem getting any words out of this mouth. But all is much better than it was…what I have has a name and there is a plan of action.

Halloween was better than I expected. We went Trick or Treating and the girls had great fun dressing up and getting buckets of candy! If bail outs for Wall Street could be done with candy, I reckon AIG would come a-knocking on our door. On the Saturday we had a small Halloween Party at ours and all our guests dressed up and it was great fun. I had no idea what I wanted to be…Hubby was of course the Angry African. I sat looking at my pics from my MRI and decided that a Cat-Scan would be it. Dressed in my best kitty kat outfit armed with a pic of my brain scan on my back, I entertained.

Hubby was in NY for the week and the girls pulled together to make the week easier for Mom. They did a great job and the military operation in our house ran smoothly. All dinner was eaten, dishes washed and children bathed by 7:30pm. Early beds for all and the week went off without a hitch. My landlord came for a visit which produced a little anxiety because we have a cat (sssshhhh…we actually have three) and we got permission for a dog. What is the difference? I think a cat is easier and cleaner anyway. Miss Fifi Petunia is now the official cat because he saw her and I think he liked her (he took a photo of her to show his kids) but the other two (who were feral when we adopted them as kittens) were no where to be seen. So we have one official cat and the other two are Illegal Kitti-grants. I cleaned and tidied the house before he arrived so that everything looked relatively fine for his visit and so now I have a tidy house.

But with all this happening I took a lesson tonight from my youngest. Life is life and you need to roll with the punches and enjoy the sun. Throughout dinner she laughed, she ate all she could (she critiqued my meatballs with the fine tuning although without the swear words as only Gordon Ramsay could), enjoyed her dessert and proceeded to eat more dinner. All the time laughing and enjoying being with the family – dancing in the kitchen to the 80’s music on the radio. So tonight I will go up to bed to find the same things I have found on my bed every night since I got ill: one of my youngest most prized soft toys, a letter, a drawing, a small pillow for my head, three flowers and a necklace she made me. She puts them down every night to brighten my day and make me sleep better so that tomorrow starts on a good footing…

And it will…Obama is President, Sarah Palin has gone back to Alaska, I no longer take vicodin, Hubby is back from NY and today I baked chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese filling.  Things are looking good…