Okay, lets get one thing straight from the beginning. What tops the UGLY list immediately and without question would be my hair which my five year old described as “old” not understanding that I am trying to grow it a bit so that it can be cut in a decent style today, when I visit the hairdresser! My coiffure is reminiscent of the crown King Julian wears in the Madagascar movies…you parents will know what I am talking about…so while my older daughter asked me if I would be putting up a photo of my hair, I respectfully declined and lied about the camera being full.

my startled look as I plough through laundry jungle to bathroom mirror!

An ugly and bad combined: a big shout out to Cialis and Levitra for choosing to advertise before the watershed!!! NOT! My children and I were in the living room some time after 6:30pm: Little one coloring in, older one reading, Mom being her Crackberry self (actually still trying to figure out how the thing works) when I switched the television on to Charlie Gibson’s “World” news. My eleven (soon soon to be twelve) year old looked up to listen to all that was happening. Then the ads came on and wham bam thank you ma’am, the Cialis ad quickly followed by Levitra. I continued to look at the Blackberry buzzing in my hands for some unknown reason when this young 11 year old voice asked me the question: “Mom, what is an erection?” 

Holy crap…is what I was screaming in my head but calmly looked at her and explained the term. She is eleven, she got what she needed to know from our little discussion. So the talk is starting in baby steps…I am not completely sure how I will be approaching this all – having a tween is a first for me. So it should be an interesting journey to say the least.

Time for a good (or an ugly, depending on your point of view)…With Mother’s day coming up, my youngest is very enthralled by a day just for mommies. She figures she could get in on this action too, after all she is a mommy to eight teddies, four dolls, two penguins and six rocks…However, her main focus has been me…great!

“Mommy, it is going to be Mother’s Day soon…I have decided to give you a make over. I will do your make up and your hair, it looks old. I will also let Daddy buy you a new dress. You need a make over, you look like a maid…”

Now I am trying to see the brighter side of that remark, the only “maid” she knows is pre-FairyGodMother Cinderella…she was pretty in her rags according to the book’s pictures…..?

Oh man, mad cow disease is an awful thing…and I do not mean the real cow kind, I mean my kind. When it feels like I want to rip my own head off with my mouth. Anyway you can read mad cow to see how that goes with me….I have been a little moody lately. Moodiness fueled by frustration. I want my house to look cleaner, tidier, more together, more Parisian less Target! I want my laundry room to look like I had kept Martha Stewart as a prisoner in my basement for the last two years. And I want my grocery cupboard to look more like the larder from a Swiss hotel than mine, here where I live. Oh don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have, really. I know that you are only one bad pay check from living on the street…

But that is not the point really. I am more frustrated that I just can’t seem to get all my things done that I want doing or need doing! My list never seems to be complete. So I am just plodding along until someone sends me this email and I can swear they wrote it about me!

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.
We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it
turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.   

So today the Hub is in NY, maybe he will wander past Tiffany’s?

Buy your mood ring here...

Tori and Dean

Let me start by admitting what it seems is perceived as a cardinal sin amongst some…I watch Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood…I know, oh the shame of watching reality tv. I accidentally landed on the Oxygen channel when surfing one evening and it was on, I left it on and eventually was watching it. So there…

I was amazed at how grounded Tori Spelling was really. Being the daughter of Aaron, I assumed her to be stuck up, full of crap and ponsy…but she does not seem to be. I take reality tv of this sort at face value because while they like to let us believe that they forget the cameras are there, it is hard to believe that you can’t see the dude balancing the thing on his shoulder closely followed by the sound man standing in the middle of your housewarming party…but still, she seemed less diva-esquethan what I imagined. Their interactions seem genuine and it seems to be a happy families story.

But then of course that I remember how the two of them got together: while they were both married…I despise infidelity and I am not fond of adulterers so while some find their “happy families” display on television despicable, I am a little more shallow. I enjoy the humor and the going-ons in a house I will never set foot in.  And in despising infidelity I look towards Hollywood and the rest of Celebrityville to find famous people who are squeaky clean. Ah, I sit and think, lets see…

Brad Pitt – um no. Bill Clinton…no again…John Edwards…ooohh did not see that one coming…And then I think, if people who are followed by the press and the papparazzi think they can get away with it, and some do, how many Joe Soaps are out there who DO get away with it. In my group of friends, I know quite a few who have had a spouse cheat on them and for a while they did get away with it. I sit in my living room and think, how many marriages are out there who are suffering under infidelity?

As much as what we want our marriages to work, or as much as what we yearn our partner to honor the “til death do us part” section, do we want to stay with some one for the sake of some words. I have read a few stories and accounts written by the women of the “the first wives club” and some accounts written by the children of marriages when the cheating spouse “abides” their time until the kids were old enough and many of the kids said they would rather have their parents apart and happier, than staying together under duress. The tension in the marriage can not be depleted by the “good” intention of staying together for the sake of the children. The difference just with the McDermotts in Los Angeles – they were in the public eye. And while people bitch on the Oxygen site about how they got together, I am wondering why these people are watching the program. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it.

So while I am not impressed by Dean McDermott cheating on his wife while they have a young son and were in the process of adopting a daughter, or Tori for cheating on her husband, I am enjoying the voyeuristic peek into their life. And while we think that in an ideal world, they should have both left their respective marriages before making a move, when last did anything happen that would happen in an ideal world – hell in that case, we would never have got another Bush in the Whitehouse: read my lips. And while I do like some of what I see of how the other half live, I am happy to be where I am, in my life, with my children and the place the Hub and I find ourselves in in our marriage.

Love you babe!

[ and yes...I still watch Home Sweet Hollywood...it sure beats watching the onesided news!]

So while commenting on Sanity Found’s blog, the topic of Bon Jovi came up. Then I was asked if I went to see them at Green Point Stadium. I did. In 1995 I bought two tickets for the Hubby and myself to go and see Bon Jovi. We were celebrating our anniversary and thinking that we would go together, I put all my pennies together to take us to a rock concert.

Oooohhhh, yum!

You see “rock concerts” were very few and far between in South Africa in the ’90’s and before then they were practically non-existent. Except for Olivia Newton John at Sun City in 1979. But as far as the venue was in your home town, you would have to settle for Sonia Herold (Sowf Efrika’s lovely singing star!) in the local town hall, I am afraid. [Note to non-SA readers: she was a local star...I am not sure if she is even on Google!]

So the opening of South Africa to the big wide wild world was an amazing thing to witness. You mean there is REAL music out there? Although there had always been radio, television only came into my country in 1976 so the exposure to the influence from abroad was very small…only a few whispered tales told by those who had been fortunate to travel abroad!

I think the first concert I went to was Bryan Adams. Now that was a treat. I dragged a reluctant Hubby along (he is a die hard Springsteen fan and can’t stand “soft” rock!). But half way through the show, Bryan Adams, disappeared off the stage and popped up on this little stage in the middle of the crowd (all of 5000! People were still wary I suppose). He sang the blues, Little Red Rooster was my favorite.

Then Bon Jovi was coming to town…wow…and singing under the shadow of Table Mountain on my anniversary. Nothing could be more perfect. And considering that on my wedding day, Hubby did promise me the world and then some, I figured he would go with me out of his own free will. After all I would go to Springsteen but NOT Cat Stevens – there is a reason here and it is fodder for a whole different blog entry.

About an hour before we were due to leave, the Hub announced that he has a severe headache and tummy ache. He felt nauseous – which I think he confused with nauseated. Considering he never gets a tummy bug, I took him at his word and dished out all the warranted sympathy. All the while trying to get him to feel better but to no avail. He was ill. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. But the choice was clear. Hubby was big enough to look after himself and I was going to see Bon Jovi come hell or high water. On my little lonesome, I got into the car and drove to Green Point.

I met up with friends there and we had a blast. I rocked in the front row to You Give Love A Bad Name and waved my arms around rhythmically to Bed of Roses…all the while admiring Jon’s gorgeous butt hairdo (he had JUST cut it!)…maybe, I thought, it was good that my husband of two years was not there to see his wife fawning over the cool dude in the see through shirt on the stage (remember it was the ’90’s in South Africa, frankly the ’80’s had not completely bugged out yet)!

Butt honey...I will go on my own...

Traffic home after the concert was awful and I found myself turning the key in my front door at 4am. Needless to say I transparently called in sick for work the next day but to my surprise my sick husband bounded out of bed, ready to face a day at work. When questioned about this miraculous recovery, he simply stated it must have been a twenty four hour bug. Ah, 24 hours hey…but it has only been 12 hours! Do I smell a rat?

About three years after this (and a few more concerts later which he actually did attend with me) Hubby, in a moment of weakness and after being cornered on the subject, ADMITTED that he had faked the whole episode to get out of going to see Bon Jovi.

“I will get you back…some time…some how…” seethed the promise from my lips.

And so…the wheel turns and sooner or later you get your opportunity for revenge. You just need to spot it and grab it. In 2003 Springsteen was playing in London. Hubby begged me to go with him. The concert was still eight months away and he was buying tickets and planning the trip. He did not want to attend alone, he said. “Things are more fun when I share them with you.” Really?  That thought did not cross my mind.

He bought the tickets, he planned the trip down to the last detail. But I am a considerate person. Did I wait until one hour before the concert to tell him that I would not be attending? Would I fake a sickness to get out of my commitment? No not me…Seven months before the big event, I announced my reason for skipping it due to my own big event. And mine was not fake either. I was pregnant and the idea of being almost full term rocking it out at a Springsteen concert was indeed nauseating to me so I gave it a miss.

Who is nauseous now...

Just a quick thought. John Edwards has just admitted he has had an affair while his wife was in remission for her cancer. I was shocked … not expecting this from the good guy of American politics.

He says “I did not love her…” – as if that is going to make a difference. I ask you…does the fact that he does not love her not make it worse? In other words it was just sex…sex with a woman…sex with an employee…seems like Big John was ruling little John’s little head…

And once again, just like Spitzer’s wife, Elizabeth Edwards stood by dutifully so that the career of a cheating husband can take priority over her. Just like Hillary before her…

POST SCRIPT:

Maybe my Hubby can donate his shirt to John Edwards (see: Friday Funnies)

When he wears his new t-shirt and moves into his trailer maybe he should settle in the town of TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES in New Mexico. But maybe Elizabeth would have him move to CUT OFF in Louisiana!

www.freedigitalphotos.net  

The day the writers went on strike, our common sense did too. We were deprived of good TV. I loved my programs on the box. I watch Lost, House and CSI amongst others so you can imagine my total withdrawal when the writers decided to put down the pen and prove that indeed, the pen when down, is mightier than the sword. Make no mistake, I agreed with why they went on strike and supported them but the withdrawal of good television has caused some irreparable damage on the psyche of the box watching public.

Void of all intelligent entertainment we were bombarded with ‘reality’ programs and game shows and I found myself watching more on demand stuff than ever before and scouring the local library for DVDs of the movies that I would not mind watching again. The strike is over now and we are in the last stretch before the goodies come back to our screens and being confined to bed last week with the flu, I found myself desperate for a bit of entertainment. I had watched all the 48 hours mysteries I could handle and I flicked onto that game show “Moment of Truth” (I can’t be bothered to remember the time but I was not surprised when I saw it was on Fox – where ‘truth’ is a relative term!)

Oh my goodness. What in heaven’s name has happened to common sense. The premise of this game show is based on the lie detector test (you know, the ones made famous by Jerry Springer etc) – your spouse or partner or family or friend answers questions and based on their honesty, they win money. The questions start mild and quite amusing but as the game progresses so does the intensity of the queries.

‘Have you every had sex with one of your friends’ wives?’ – are you being serious? Weeping wife sits on the sidelines as her husband answers ‘Yes’ and truth is declared. OMG, I was ignorant as to how quickly people would sell their marriages, their children if they had any, their relationships or their reputations for money. It is so morally and humanly corrupt it appalls me. When the host (and I can’t be bothered to remember his name) asked if they were okay – being obviously distressed – they offered no response to which he quipped: ‘Oh well you have a $100 000!’

Another couple – the wife faced the questions – self proclaimed jealous husband sat in the inner circle with her siblings and her mother. Her questions: Are you a better mother to your children than your mother was to you? Did you invite some one to your wedding you previously had sex with? Do you have a secret that you know could potentially end your marriage? (FYI: she answered truthfully yes and then said to her startled husband that she would not tell him what it was at all).

How does a relationship recover from this? Do you sweep this experience under the mat because not to worry, you have $50k or $100k to boot? Originally when the programs like Jerry Springer came out, people aired their laundry in public for nothing more than notoriety and maybe a free trip to the bright lights big city. But now they do this for money. Do the couples strike a deal before the time, agreeing to embarrass and humiliate themselves for some quick money. Why not just sign up for Survivor instead, you might get dirty but your laundry stays the way it should.

I am hoping that we have hit rock bottom. I would rather watch the life cycle of a fruit worm than go through that again. Welcome back writers, heaven only knows how much I missed you.