Differences Between Men and Women

 Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her while making the woo-hoo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass the wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the woo-hoo sound again.

Throw wet towel on her pillow.

[From an email I received today…]

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~ by ski holidays on August 1, 2008.

9 Responses to “Differences Between Men and Women”

  1. Thanks to your blog I just came to the realization that I am in fact a man… oh geeze. Now what? All this time I thought my chromosomes determined my gender.

    🙂

  2. While I am extrememly happy to be able to assist people in these major discoveries, from your pic I am wondering if the chromosomes, in fact, did determine whether you would be able to participate in the “WOO HOO” part of the behavior! And that my dear is the turning point as to which gender you are! Stay away from the WOO HOO Part, whatever you do! 🙂

  3. OMG that is just too funny I can’t stop laughing oh how I needed this laugh today thank you so so much! Phew I am relieved to say I can not do the WOO HOO part but have known a few men who did!

  4. Happy to return the favor! I have known a few choice men in my time who do the woo hoo part even when not taking a shower. Happy to say that Hubby does NOT do it…phew! Have a good weekend SF!

  5. Oh my lord, I laughed so hard I cried! I simply MUST send your post to all my girlfriends!!

  6. @ Plozano76 – I found this really funny because it is so true. Today I bought a new squidgy for my shower to replace the old one but I think I should have thrown in a dressing gown for the Hub! 😉

  7. […] a-broader view with Differences Between Men and Women […]

  8. Woo-Hoo!

  9. @ AA – like that is going to get you anywhere! 😉

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