I Am Not Fond of Buses

This bus has been spotted in my house...

This bus has been spotted in my house…

…but not buses that you would think…not the public transport buses…not the red double decker buses I  so loved to see in London…not the yellow school buses…Not those buses – those are just fine. Except of course for that one red double decker in London that soaked me by deliberatelydriving through a puddle at the side of the road causing a tidal wave of grimy city street water covering me and my white trousers one summer…yes…Mr bus driver…your laughing face I will never forget.

But aside from that bus, I have no other qualms about buses. Except that one illusive bus that seems to target one place and only make one dramatic stop…my house. I try to keep my house clean and tidy…I really do try but just when I think I am winning the battle this bus stops by when I am not looking and delivers a blow to my house equivalent to a small atomic bomb. I have gone from clear dining room and clean table to a paperwork nightmare. I work through the paperwork and find foam stickers all over the phone bill and a little stick princess drawn neatly in pink and purple on the car insurance document.

So I went downstairs to the playroom in the basement. I thought that this past weekend I would spend some time, a few hours or so, cleaning up and sorting out our own branch of Toys ‘r’ us. Everything back in its own container. I was doing well. Some of the toys were sorted and we made a pile for charity and a pile for keeping and the pile for disposal. I moved containers and vacuumed. And then while sweating in the humidity of the day I moved this little container in the very far corner of the basement…the one section where there is no carpet and there it was…staring at me from the dark corner…I could hear it laughing at me while the music that filled my ears was reminiscent of the Bates Motel. Mould…yip I said it. MOULD! I stepped back gasping for air. OMG I have NEVER had mould in my house but I was armed. I marched upstairs and grabbed my spray bottle of bleach.

M (I can’t bring myself to say the word anymore) was waiting for me at the OK Corral laughing at me as I slowly walked forward my eyes fixed on its little green spores which my by now X-ray vision could see in the dark. I flicked the switch on my torchlight and made contact with the dark monster which squirmed in the bright beam. My palm was sweaty as I reached for my weapon. I lifted the bottle and pushed back the trigger. M was no match for me…I drenched it and then waited patiently for the small spot to dry. The next step was my trusty hepa filter vacuum dream machine which made M shake in fear as it was sucked into the sealed container and disposed of.

“I’ll be your Huckleberry!”

Confident in my ability, this Wyatt Earp slowly walked through the rest of the room and found no more. Clearly my reputation preceded me. Harriet had then phoned me about an unrelated topic (her almost six year is getting a BIG tooth!) and upon hearing my story offered some more heavy weapons in my battle. About three hours later I plugged the dehumidifier into the wall and fired it up. No more humidity! What a relief. The machine worked long and hard all night and by morning, the playroom was a totally different place – mould free and clean smelling and DRY!

Of course, that took care of the green bus downstairs but oh the first floor was hit today and with a force! The devastation was widespread – as far as the eye can see. A broad path of destruction that when I looked again had moved upstairs like a stealth hurricane…

So tomorrow is my daughter’s fifth birthday but I will NOT allow her to have a birthday in an untidy house. So wish me luck as I venture off and tackle this horror…oh the horror! I might not be as skilled as Martha Stewart (or an employer of many staff like her) but I can sure as bob dismantle a bus in my sleep…

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~ by ski holidays on August 4, 2008.

7 Responses to “I Am Not Fond of Buses”

  1. I’m driving…

  2. yes, my dear AA but do you have a license!

  3. […] still looks the same but the FIL (F*&^%$ List) launch has been delayed by one week! Refer to the Buses post and you will see […]

  4. OMGoodness. This had me laughing so hard. I can picture you waging war on mold.

  5. @ kwoneshe2 – Thanks for the visit…I am pretty mean when armed with bleach or a flip flop chasing a mosquito!

  6. OMG you are my hero *bows* to super-mould buster woman! you are too funny sheesh I spilt my coffee down my chin!!!

  7. @ SanityFound – hey I am the tough one remember…so I don’t take any nonsense from anyone or anything…mouldernator!

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