Incinerated Chicken – Family Recipe

a recipe from chicken

Ingredients:

A whole chicken

1 bottle of marinade (the sweeter the better, it burns better with more sugar)

1 straw hat

A gas grill (no need to check the gas, it is all part of the recipe method)

Crappy weather

Method:

  1. Take the chicken out the deepfreeze at 2am that morning, after a dinner party. Assuming that it will defrost by 10am later that morning in time for lunch.
  2. At 10am check the chicken. Note that it is still frozen. Try to shove the huge (extra meaty) chicken into the small microwave to defrost, realise it will not fit and return it in the bowl to the kitchen sink and run cold water over it, thinking of course that will work.
  3. At 12 noon, attempt to remove the frozen giblets from the cavity of the still frozen bird. Realizing that will not work, accept that roasted chicken lunch will now become roasted chicken dinner.
  4. Make cheese sandwiches for lunch.
  5. At 2:30pm, go to the local horticultural gardens for a bike ride with family. Admire the flowers, the gardens and the three legged squirrel hobbling across the green grass with a piece of breadroll in its mouth.
  6. Return home at 4:00pm and realize that the frigging bird is still frozen and no amount of tap water is going to get it to defrost before 4:30pm.
  7. At 5pm listen intently to the Hubby who says that he will BBQ the chicken – “How hard can it be?”
  8. Read up on the Internet how to spatchcock a chicken (IE take out the spine and break the breastbone in order to lay it flat on the grill). Remove the spine, but forget to break the breastbone.
  9. Marinade the chicken – note that on the bottle it says to leave overnight in the fridge. But seeing as there is not another night left in this weekend, you figure, fifteen minutes on the kitchen counter is just as good.
  10. Hubby throws chicken on to grill.
  11. Flames reach the heavens while scorching Hubby’s straw hat in the process.
  12. Turn chicken frequently (and with difficulty) while the sweet marinade burns and blackens the skin – never mind, call it Cajun.
  13. Eventually realize that the breastbone was not broken, so cut chicken into two halves. It is no longer spatchcocked, it is now cocked up.
  14. Look to the heavens while the rain clouds spit down on your culinary adventure.
  15. Adjust the flames knowing that they are already on their lowest setting.
  16. Laugh with wife.
  17. Turn the knobs of the grill fruitlessly while the realization hits home that the gas has run out.
  18. Wife needs to turn on the oven while placating the children that daddy has NOT burned the chicken but that indeed that is how it is meant to look and that the recipe calls for half the cooking to be done on the grill and half in the oven.
  19. Serve with love and embarrassment remembering to remove the incinerated skin first. Divert attention from the meat with attractive Parmesan Broccoli and garlic bread.

[Although the chicken was angrier than the African, the dinner was delicious but this is a once in a life time recipe, it self destructs as you go along!]

Incinerated Chicken on the grill

Incinerated Chicken on the grill

Incinerated Chicken on the plate

Incinerated Chicken on the plate

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~ by ski holidays on September 24, 2008.

21 Responses to “Incinerated Chicken – Family Recipe”

  1. […] 1 : 0 Angry African. Here is the (not so lovely grrr) wife making me suffer about my speciality Incinerated Chicken – Family Recipe. But still. It is damn funny! […]

  2. I believe we call that Char-B-Que down here lol

  3. Too funny!!!! I have a similar recipe for burgers on BBQ 🙂

  4. LMAO! Thank god he isn’t single or there would be no hope (*JK*)

  5. Mate, he could almost be an Australian male.

  6. OMG you have a way with words that make me fall off my chair and oh boy you guys actually ate the chicken? Sounds like an absolute adventure for the whole family, I must save this recipe for future – knowing me though I would fail it horribly and the chicken will look like dogs breakfast!

  7. I’m not allowed to point and laugh at your husband anymore. He’lll kill me. Besides, I’d probably screw up the same way. A laugh at your great writing skills will do for this time.

  8. @ girlblue – at least AA would feel at home there too…
    @ idleone – I think we might have that recipe lurking around too, but I must give credit where credit is due, AA does good burgers on the BBQ!
    @ kelli – he is off the market, so all single girls can breathe – and fire departments too, as long as the girls and I are around…
    @ VascoPyjama – they have always said there is a fine line between the Aussie boys and SA boys!
    @ SanityFound – you better save the recipe if you want it later, we no longer have it, although AA never seems to lose the skill of remembering it!
    @ thatdudeyouknow – on my site you can laugh at AA as much as what you want. It is all fair in love, BBQ’s and war around here. I survived writing this sitting next to him, after that glorious post to me he wrote a few days ago, and I wrote this? Now that takes guts…you are safe, I promise…
    To all – I have a video clip on my camera but WP won’t let me load it…I have actually moving proof of Fire, Wilson, Fire!

  9. Oh, thank you everyone… I thought you were on my side? You all cut me real deep. It hurts like hell. But still, the hurt is better than what the chicken looked like. My dearest wife… Be prepared for war! I am going to get them all back on my side by telling them the story of me doing the posters at varsity…

  10. You stole my recipe!

    When I bought my house, my brother and family showed up with a housewarming gift: A Webber Smokey Joe BBQ.

    Later on, We invited friends over for BBQ and I dumped half a bag of Kingsford in that thing and had a roaring fire. In no time I had chicken, charred on the outside and crunchy raw on the inside.
    For some reason, we’ve never been able to get those friends back over for dinner….

  11. Now I feel like a right old tosser, I never clicked that you were AA’s wife.

    As for the chicken, that is what you get for using a gas grill AA 😛

    By the way that Parmesan Broccoli and garlic bread sounds AWESOME!

  12. LOL !!!

    These pictures suspiciously look like just about everything I try to grill. Flames to the heavens, indeed. I am very familiar with such!

  13. @ AA – I had to let it out my dear. Bring it on…give me your best. But you know where to draw the line 🙂 I have photos I could show you know…
    @ Scienkoptic – the recipe seems to be universal! Luckily the kids and I have to be around for dinner, although I am not sure if there will be many takers on Dad’s BBQ chicken!
    @ Saffer – Considering this piece, I am sure you are not the only one who feels like a tosser! AA’s punishment for gas grilling is probably long overdue!
    @ Fitch – that is where the concept of Flame Grilled originates…

  14. Chicken looks deliciooso. Sugar caramelizes on the outside giving it that “burned” look. Actually makes the BBQ. The important work of BBQing was done, so putting in the oven to finish off isn’t so bad. BBQing in Miami is often times done with the wifey holding an umbrella as I smear on more sugary goodness for more caramelization. HA With charcoal the griller can use his beer to douse the flames and give the meat that steamed beer flavor. Seriously!!!

  15. WAIT!

    ” story of me doing the posters at varsity…” can’t wait *grins* sounds like a classic

    I spent the whole day thinking that it was friday because of you, then told someone that I’ll see them later thinking its drinks at the Dros only to find out that its Heritage day or rather as Tutu says “Braai vleis”

    Dare you to youtube that video and link it in! Dang what is with me and that word “dare” going to go do soul search mwah

  16. Sounds like what the Aussies call “Charcoal Chicken”. But AA has my sympathy; he can always blame it on the tools: a gas BBQ! He did the best he could under the circumstances. 😉

  17. @ Skuttlefish – I think I will adopt this caramalization technique..
    @ SanityFound – it is a good story…the posters.
    @DelBoy – blame it on the tools, cop out! Charcoal Chicken is about right but without the charcoal…

  18. I have a recipe for incinerated chicken, too! Only for mine, the entire grill has to catch on fire before your in-laws come over for Father’s Day lunch. You know it’s done when it looks indistinguishable from the other blackened, mangled parts of the grill. I like the addition of the straw hat- gives it an exotic “dangerous” flavor! I’ll have to try that next time….

  19. @ millyonair – your recipe is the advanced version. we ran out of gas before that could happen! who needs a meat themometer in this case…:-)

  20. you guys actually *eat* that???? Did you hunt it down first I wonder???? With them aFREAKan spears??? LOL 🙂

  21. @ Amber – it was delicious, if you ate with your eyes closed!

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